What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with his naked ass?
If you read any 17th century diplomatic missive today, make sure it’s the Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire. Basically, the Sultan was like, “I command you to surrender to my army,” and then the Cossacks were all:
O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil’s kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with his naked ass? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we’ve no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck your mother.
You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig’s snout, mare’s ass, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won’t even be herding Christian pigs. Now we’ll conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t own a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our ass!
What a marvelous display of aggressive douchery. It’s actually even better if you read the Sultan’s letter first, because the entire set-up of this letter is to parody the Sultan’s diplomatic language in the original. Wikipedia has some more basic info on the 19th century recovery of the letter BTW, plus the painting that was inspired by the exchange.
That last sentence made me laugh so hard I kind of got dizzy.
Edit: Oh geeze, the picture makes it better. The picture makes it better!
in which Totoro boops Mana Ashida on the head.
Japanese child actress Mana was embarrassed that she couldn’t pronounce Guillermo Del Toro’s name so he gave her special permission to call him “Totoro-san” instead.
The truth is, evangelical Christians have already “lost” the culture wars. And it’s not because the “other side” won or because evangelicals have failed to protect our own religious liberties. Evangelicals lost the culture wars the moment they committed to fighting them, the moment they decided to stop washing feet and start waging war.
And I fear that we’ve lost not only the culture wars, but also our Christian identity, when the “right to refuse” service has become a more sincerely-held and widely-known Christian belief than the impulse to give it.
I love this article. We Christians need to take our faith back from bigoted, racist homophobes who would have slammed the door in Joseph and Mary’s faces if they had come to them the night of Jesus’ birth.
Also this comment from that page needs to be shared.
tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds It’s all over now, before we have begun. we’ve already won
get this goddamn song outta my head
Aw, this is great! They’re so happy.
I really don’t have words for how much I love ohhicas’s style. It’s just so much fun, with excellent motion, and always so wonderfully executed, as chibis or as adults. Love it so freaking much.
Patron Saint of Rogues Fanart.
Turn shit into metal, including my own body parts. BD
An evil toaster.
Very, very bad decisions
well, bia, that actually IS len’s superpower
mine is….playing tricks on people. and/or writing runes on things.
Mine are the abilities to change gender AND emotions at will, while completely faire smashy-smash with chaotically playful terrorism.
I’m either the demon of sloth and laziness or an Egyptian mummy haunting the Louvre. Either way, I’m bad news, baby.
I can make it very cold. That’s exactly the power I don’t want, it’s cold enough here already.
Or maybe I’m Len in disguise.
I baffle my foes with chaos and rapid-fire illogical banter. (And maybe I can turn into a truck?)
your icon shows who you are inside
The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can’t google the lyrics because there are none
types in “doot doot doot DOOOT”
This goes for traditional reels and tunes as well.
Help I can’t stop laughing